As I Am

He called me a free spirit and I thought "What? Wait! Hmmm, maybe I am." I've always prized the fact that I like going against the grain. Being different is pretty much the point of me being alive, as my roommate who thinks that it's pointless to challenge society has discovered after our many diatribes. For one of the first times in a relationship I feel like I haven't been misjudged, or judged at all for that matter (&& I like it). We're always trying to figure out the trick to making a relationship work, for me I've always felt a bit uneasy around people in general when I know I'm not completely accepted, an unease that's magnified tenfold in relationships. I gave him the usual disclaimer "I'm a feminist, a klutz, and extremely unconventional, not to mention the fact that I can be a huge B****" and the conversation didn't end there, to my surprise as a matter of fact it's been going on 2 weeks of non stop talking. We'll see how I manage to mess this up, maybe it'll be that I feel stifled so easily that I can't stay in one place too long. I'm always waiting for the bottom to drop out, probably because it always does. He said I need to stop being so pessimistic but I'm a realist on the road to cynicism so we'll have to see how that goes too.

Maybe all we really need in relationships is for someone to take us as we are.

That's all she wrote...For Now

Friends & The Fast Lane

Ever feel like cutting each and every person out of your life and not completely understanding why? Maybe for a split second or a few hours I lost my faith and trust in my friends. I don’t know exactly what it was that came over me, but in one fell swoop I decided that since I’m moving in three months putting up with betrayal and lies and being sceptical of everyone in my life wouldn’t be a good way to spend my last days. I lashed out about the concept of facebook friends, considering that maybe no one is really friends with anyone anymore. I wanted a clean slate, to escape the tyranny of others I call my friends, to start over; maybe I’ve wanted it for a long time and been too afraid of what it’s like to have no friends. The last straw was gossip from the mouths of friends, which my best friend promptly proceeded to highlight was seriously ironic because my favourite TV show is Gossip Girl, a statement that broke the ice (making both of us burst into a fit of giggles) and making it evident how stupid I was being. It’s easier to push people away than to lose them with no control over the terms and situation. Call me a control freak, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost my mind, life happens, there’s nothing we can do about it, we’re just along for the ride and I'm about to hit the fast lane when I move to NYC.

That's all she wrote...For Now

This is it...

This is where it all begins, welcome to That's All She Wrote...For Now. On January 9th I tweeted"Your 20s are made for world traveling, torrid affairs, climbing to the top & getting into a drunken haze you'll only recover from in your 30s." Three months ago I hit the big 2-0 with some trepidation, reaching half way to 40 is no joke, but I'm getting used to the idea. Maybe it's that I feel like I've been stuck in a rut for my teenage years, rehashing and repeating the bad relationships and the silly mistakes, but now there's no nostalgia for the bad hair and the sometimes even worse wardrobe choices. Consider this chapter one of the new book of my life.

My name is Chanelle Sicard, I'm 20 years old and I'm going to paint the world in a colour I have yet to invent =D, case & point: you should be scared.

Chapter One: the haircut, now I've never been one of those people that think the hair defines the woman, but after 4 years of wanting to cut my hair and letting everyone under the sun talk me out of it I finally decided it was time. Modeled after my favourite singer Tami Chynn and my favourite actress Audrey Hepburn, I sprung for an uber short pixie cut with slightly longer than usual bangs. Maybe it's reinvention 101, but I can't help but love it.

...serious question though: Why did my new haircut just make black the most appealing colour in my wardrobe?

That's all she wrote...For Now